I Wouldn't Want to be Anybody Else

I had a huge breakthrough on my self discovery this past week. Thursday I began struggling with my relationship with Tyler. I had been seeing that whole day my two best friends being flirted with two obnoxiously cute guys, and them giggling and being happy. I wanted someone to give me attention like that. Now let me reiterate, Tyler gives me lots and lots of attention. The thing I was struggling with that day is watching two new couples falling for each other. I missed the way Tyler and I acted when we first began to date. Kaylee and Makenzie were absolutely amazing. They knew when to ask questions and talk to me, and when to just let me sit in silence.

Thursday night I got a text from Makenzie that said this,
"In order to get anywhere you always have to know that in order to get further in life you have to remember the good times and bad. Because in the end you have to be happy, and sometimes we forget that. We need to create and remember our own happiness so we can pick up the pieces we feel are shattered."

That text alone was truly inspiring to me, and really got me to thinking about my life in general. Although all weekend, I kept struggling with my relationship with Tyler. Trying to decide if I was truly happy, and if I wasn't, if I was willing to fix it or pick up and move on. I mean I'm only 20 years old for goodness sake. Tyler and I met when we were 18. Who meets their life-long partner at 18? I was just so confused. I watch my sister who has never had a boyfriend live such a carefree life, Kaylee who recently broke-up with her boyfriend of two years just make it through life as if that happened years ago, and Makenzie who hadn't been in a relationship in a year and a half living life for herself and her family.

The other thing I was struggling with was some self-esteem issues. I have had them as long as I can remember, but as long as I have been with Tyler I haven't had to worry about them. The last few months as mine and Tyler's relationship had been struggling, I began to have a low self-esteem again. No matter how much makeup I pile on and how long I spend on my hair, I look in the mirror and see the total opposite of who I actually am. Anyone who knows me thinks the is absolutely absurd, I know. Tyler got mad because I was struggling with this. He didn't understand if he was telling me all the time that I am pretty why I would have any doubts that I'm not.

Tyler came home after a long weekend in Dallas with one of his friends last night, and we talked about some things I was struggling with. By the end of the night, I felt like myself again, and I began to feel beautiful again. So this morning on my way to work I'm listening to the cd that Makenzie made for me over the weekend, and Selena Gomez's new song "Who Says" comes blasting through my speakers.
"Who says you're not perfect, Who says you're not worth it...Who says you're not pretty, Who says you're not beautiful."
The biggest smile arrived on my face as I am listening to the lyrics of this song. Why am I concerned with how anyone else views me? They have just as many flaws as me. I should never start doubting my appearance because my relationship isn't going the way I would like. I am gorgeous and if someone can't see that, well who are they to judge...they are just a diamond in the rough too. :)