Loneliness & Depression

So a few weeks back I was talking to my friends about loneliness and depression...mind you, this is in a group text with 6 girls other than myself so the conversation was interesting to say the least. As we are talking about this I flashed back to Eat, Pray, Love where Liz talks about the two as if they are people. So I'm going to quote the chapter because I feel God calling me to share this with others. :)

Depression and Loneliness track me down after about ten days in Italy. I am walking through the Villa Borghese one evening after a happy day spent in school, and the sun is setting gold over St. Peter's Basilica. I am feeling contented in the romantic scene, even if I am all by myself, while everyone else in the park is either fondling lover or playing with laughing child. But I stop to lean against a balustrade and watch the sunset, and I get to thinking a little too much, and then my thinking turns to brooding, and that's when they catch up with me.
They come upon me all silent and menacing like Pinkerton Detectives, and they flank me-Depression on my left, Loneliness on my tight. They don't need to show me their badges. I know these guys very well. We've been playing a cat-and-mouse game for years now. Though I admit that I am surprised to meet then in this Italian garden at dusk. This is no place they belong.
I say to them, "How did you find me here? Who told you I had come to Rome?"
Depression, always the wide gut, says, "What-you're not happy to see us?"
"Go away," I tell him.
Loneliness, the more sensitive cop, says, "I'm sorry, ma'am. But I might have to tail you the whole time you're traveling. It's my assignment."
"I'd really rather you didn't," I tell him, and he shrugs almost apologetically, but only moves closer.
Then they frisk me. They empty my pockets of any joy I had been carrying there. Depression even confiscates my identity; but he always does that. Then Loneliness starts interrogating me, which I dread because it always goes on for hours. He's polite but relentless, and he always trips me up eventually. He asks if I have any reason to be happy that I know of. He asks why I am all by myself tonight, yet again. He asks (though we've been through this line of questioning hundreds of times already) why I can't keep a relationship going, why I ruined my marriage, why I messed things up with David, why I messed up things with every man I've ever been with. He asks me where I was the night I turned thirty, and why things have gone so sour since then. He asks why I can't get my act together, and why I'm not at home living in a nice house and raising nice children like any any respectable woman my age should be. He asks why, exactly, I think I deserve a vacation in Rome when I've made such a rubble of my life. He asks me why I think that running away to Italy like a college kid will make me happy. He asks where I think I'll end up in my old age, if I keep living this way.
I walk back home, hoping to shake them, but they keep following me, these two goons. Depression has a firm hand on my shoulder and Loneliness harangues me with his interrogation. I don't even bother eating dinner; I don't want them watching me. I don't want to let them up the stairs to my apartment, either, but I know Depression, and he's got a billy club, so there's no stopping him from coming in he describes that he wants to.
"It's not fair for you to come here," I tell Depression. "I paid you off already. I served my time back in New York."
But he just gives me that dark smile, settles into my favorite chair, puts his feet on my table and lights a cigar, filling the place with his awful smoke. Loneliness watches and sighs, then climbs into my bed and pulls the covers over himself, fully dressed, shoes, and all. He's going to make me sleep with him again tonight, I just know it.


I love the way she describes loneliness and depression in this chapter. I hope this reaches whomever it's suppose to reach. As always,
God Bless Y'all!

Humbled by the Love of Others

I've been gone for a while. I thought I could get through my crazy life without writing I guess. I guess, I was wrong. I'm dealing with things great, but blogging...blogging is my way of releasing everything. So from now on I'm going to make sure I blog more often.


Okay so anyways, I finally got to spend a whole week with Tyler. And even though he worked almost the whole time and I was bored out of my mind a few times, I was so incredibly thankful for that time with him. It's been a difficult last couple of months and being able to be held by him at the end of every day for a little while made all my worries and the stress disappear. I love that guy. :) There is no denying it.

So lately my passion of course has been encouraging those in a similar situation as I find myself...in a long distance relationship (LDR). I feel as if these women (and a few men) have encouraged me more than I have encouraged them. It is so incredibly humbling to meet these people and know that I am not alone in all of this. It makes me stop throwing pity-parties for myself.

I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE STRUGGLING WITH BEING IN A LDR.

Most of those that I have met are Christians as well, which has made my journey that much more special, easier, and uplifting. To know that I can talk to them about our beliefs and what role God plays in our relationship. The best part is when they tell me, that their significant other puts God before them and they do the same. Ummm hiiiiiiii! I love meeting God-fearing couples! God has just really placed some amazing people in my life here lately.

God has recently blessed me with 6 new girl friends. We all know how badly I need girl friends. Maybe they can help me be more girly...doubtful, but they can sure try. We are all spread out across Texas, but guess what...we don't care. We talk every single day, all day long usually. We get really rowdy sometimes and have to remind ourselves we are not acting like children of God. We try out best to keep each other accountable and encourage one another when one of us is having a hard time dealing with things.

This summer has been incredible. I felt God working in me like I have never felt before, and I didn't have to go to summer camp to get that high. I believe that's the best high...when you don't get it from camp. When it comes from camp it never lasts long after that. My high is lasting a lot longer than I figured it would and I am so incredibly thankful for that.

God Bless Y'all! :)