I Am Loved!

"He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy. When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, And I realize just how beautiful You are, And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us so Oh how He loves us, How He loves us so
He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves.
We are His portion and He is our prize Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss And my heart turns violently inside of my chest I don't have time to maintain these regrets When I think about the way
And oh, how He loves us oh Oh how He loves us, How He loves us so
Yeah, He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves."
-David Crowder Band     the lyrics were copy & pasted from http://www.onlylyrics.com/hits.php?grid=11&id=1034792 and at this website you can find the video too!


This song is so amazing, and it's so relative to the mess going on in my life. No matter what, no matter how bad the storm, how distant I've been, God loves me! 


This morning Kaylee, Makenzie, and I went to church at UBC. We pulled in the parking lot at 10 am, and nearly bailed because of the lack of cars in the parking lot and college aged students. God really wanted me to be there and hear that message though this morning. And I am so thankful we didn't bail.


Now we have all heard the story of Joseph with the colorful robe whose father adored him more than his older brothers. I had always looked at the story as sibling rivalry. This morning we approached the story differently. We looked at it from the other brothers's perspectives on how their father loved the Joseph more, and sort of neglected the others.


A child without a father's love is often a hurt, destroyed child. Why just the dad? Why not the mom? Because the mother bares us for nine months and gives birth to us. We know who she is, but fathers conceive us and can walk away before we have a chance to know them. They are a huge part of who we are, and we have the need to know who he is in order to know who we really are. Most issues kids have comes back to the lack of love expressed from the father. We have to remember that we are loved! And that love comes from the greatest Father ever!


As I was listening to the sermon this morning it was as if a light bulb went off in my head...I don't know who I am because I have never had that close relationship with my dad. Until recently I knew in the back of my head he loved me, but now I have every doubt in my mind that he does love me. I know it seems crazy...every parent has an unconditional love for their children...I wish I still believed that. In mine and Dana's case, R.E. is Joseph, adored by our father and the world knows it. Although I do not resent my brother for this and neither does Dana. We actually encourage the relationship.


Part of my reason for not knowing who I am, comes from my lack of relationship with my dad. This lack of relationship does not come from me though, mind you. For the last 20.5 years I have worked my butt off to be a daughter that my dad admires and loves and speaks of highly & often. After 20.5 years, I realized that our relationship can go no further if both people aren't willing to put forth as much effort as the other. I got tired of all the excuses, broken promises, and lies a month and a half ago. I stood up to my dad. The man I absolutely adored, for no reason other than every little girl needs to know the love of her daddy, decided I was ungrateful and brainwashed and wanted nothing more to do with me.


I have to remember even though I do not know the love of my earthly father, I still have the chance to know, learn, and grow in the love of my Heavenly Father. My God is so amazing, and truly loves me unconditionally. I am going to read a little deeper into the story of Joseph of course, but in order to find myself I just need to grow spiritually with my God. I don't need my dad to learn who I am. 


I also have the chance to not make the same mistake in my own children's lives. I refuse to allow my children to not know the love of their earthly father, but they will grow deep in the spirit of God as well. My children will know they are loved, and my husband will spend all his time encouraging them, nurturing them, cheering them on, and loving them unconditionally. 


My prayer for all of those in a similar situation as me is this:
May God take the image of an unholy and wreck less father away and replace it with the image of Our Spiritual Father who loves you and is always there for you. Amen.