I started reading a book that Kim gave me for being in her wedding. The book is A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller. This book is a MUST READ & I am only on Chapter 4!!! This book has got me really thinking.
"The saddest thing about life is you don't remember half of it. You don't even remember half of half of it. Not even a tiny percentage, if you want to know the truth."
How incredibly insane is that? So I got to thinking about everything I could remember from the last 20 years of my life. I remember celebrations, awards, major competitions, and the big, negative events. I remember my 13th birthday because my mom rented a hotel room for my friends and I. I also remember it because there was an indoor pool so we could go swimming and guess who started her period for the first time ever the day before the party and had to sit on the side all night...talk about traumatic. I remember my parents separating, the divorce, the 32 other weddings & divorces. I remember the last time I heard my dad's voice...he was yelling at me, and telling me how awful of a daughter I am. I remember the first time Tyler met my dad...he's the only boyfriend who's ever met him, and it was also the only birthday my dad had come home for in 5 years. I remember being at the airport every time to send Dad off, and having to stand there and not cry for Dana and RE, but behind my closed door later that day...bawling like a baby. I remember my 16th birthday being really difficult because Todd flew out for the first time that day. I remember all the cheer-tryouts and every epic fail. I remember sitting in the cold doctors office cringing after every word he spoke, my senior year, when he told me I should quit tennis before I tear my knee up to where it can't be fixed. I remember after every tournament having the biggest smile on my face from success, but dying inside because of the pain. I remember the day I turned down my scholarship to go to Kansas and play. I remember every breakup, my first kiss, my first date, the night I met Tyler, and the night I fell in love with him.
"Life has a peculiar feel when you look back on it that it doesn't have when you're actually living it."
As stood to the side and looked at all of these events and more...I realized that those events, no matter how traumatic, made me the strong, beautiful person I am today. Without those events, I would never have come to know God or been baptized with Kaylee, who is not only my best friend but in June 1999 became my sister in Christ. I wouldn't have matured so quickly or helped my mom raise my sister and brother. If I had accepted that scholarship to go to Kansas to play tennis like I'd been dreaming about for years, I wouldn't have been at George's Bar & Restaurant on Thursday, November 19th, 2009 at 7:00 P.M. and met the man of dreams. I am so thankful God does these, "my life is a joke," moments to me because later on in life I am usually able to appreciate them more.
"You get a feeling when you look back on life that that's all God really wants from us, to live inside a body he made and enjoy the story and bond with us through the experience."
I am eternally thankful for all God has blessed me with. I have a mom, sister, and brother that love me and I adore as well, a few best friends that are there for me a the drop of a hat, a boyfriend that cherishes me, and a God that is so forgiving. I am working on forgiving some key people in my life right now. The main one I am having a hard time with is, you guessed it, Daddy. I forgive him, but I don't have the guts to tell him, and I can't forget all the wrong he's done. But God wants me to forgive Dad like God forgives me. Forgive, completely forget all the wrong & sins, and renew the trust. I'm working on it because I want to laugh at that event that I remember in 15 years from now.
But from now on, no more...."My Life is a Joke" cards because my life is not a joke but a mere concoction that the Lord has made and I should be thankful for it. :)
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