First of all, I can't wait til we get a modem for the Internet at this house. Writing my blog on my phone is getting almost impossible and waiting til I get to Tyler's is awful as well because I just want to spend time with him when I'm there not sit on the computer. Okay, all complaining aside...well about that at least. HA!
So bad day #4 in a row was yesterday, and it was in all seriousness my breaking point. Crying 3 times yesterday was not only annoying me but pissing me off. I seriously wanted to look at myself and say, "Hey! STOP acting like a baby. No one wants to see a 20 year old woman have a breakdown in her car on her lunch break! GROW UP!!"
And here's the story as to why I cried, in my car, in the parking lot of work, on my lunch break...
I am an organized, everybody needs to be on some type of schedule person. Chaos, disorganization, clutter, and scatterbrained-ness drives me up a WALL! I am OCD, ADHD, and a perfectionist. I constantly give myself deadlines and usually have every second of my day planned. So when something goes wrong, I usually do one of several things: I freak out, have an anxiety attack, or get mad. Yesterday I had a combination of all 3 happen to me. My team lead is the most unorganized, off-schedule, scatterbrained person I have ever met. After two years of working with her I have learned to not let it bother me as much, and ignore her as much as possible. I know probably not the most professional thing to do, but you have to be unprofessional sometimes with people that are unprofessional themselves. Yesterday she gave me a deadline to get a project done. I had just over two and a half hours to do it. I could have done had I not gotten cut an hour, and she had actually been doing HER job rather than yelling down aisles for me to her job. My deadline was impossible to make.
Reason number 2 that broke down: I received a text message from my younger cousin that said she had a picture of my sister, brother, and I, and both of our parents, and asked if I wanted it. Then five minutes later text me saying that she had a picture of just my parents together. My parents were married just less than 10 years. In my possession, I do not have a picture of either one of those scenerios. That's not why I started crying though. I started crying because I am not on good terms with my dad. In fact, I am not on any terms with my dad. I haven't spoke to him in nearly two months. He's getting married in October, and my sister and I aren't invited. I hate him so much. As a Christian, I realize that this is extremely sinful and I am just getting on his level by hating him, but no father should ever talk to his daughters the way he did. I used idolize my dad. What little girl doesn't? These days my sister and I avoid conversations in which we might actually have to answer questions about him.
Today has been a good day. So today I am starting over, and it marks Good Day #1.
My verse of the day...take it as you may! :)
My son, keep my words and treasure up my commandments with you; keep my commandments and live; keep my teaching as the apple of your eye; bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart. Proverbs 7:1-3
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