With Arms Wide Open

Here is a link to a video of Creed's song, "With Arms Wide Open."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99j0zLuNhi8&ob=av2n

If you aren't familiar with the song follow that link to listen to the song. I don't recommend the video (I personally thought it was kinda gay.).

When I was younger, my dad told me anytime I hear that song to think of him. Now some 10+ years down the road when I want nothing more to not think of him...that song brings everything back. I was listening to it today at work and I'm not going to apologize for what came into my head, but this is literally what I thought...


I really hate this song. He is such a douche for making me think of him every time I hear this song. Why is he such an ass? Why is this song playing? I'll teach you everything? This is a joke!!! You taught me nothing but how to be spiteful.


And my world came crashing down with that one word...spiteful. I am a very spiteful child. I can hold a grudge like no other and I have down a darn good job at it over the last year. I have held a grudge on my dad, his new wife, and her son. I say nothing nice about my dad these days. Not that I have much of a reason to. I am an evil, sinful child. So sinful. And so spiteful. Can you imagine how much energy I use up daily to stay angry with him? Heck no wonder why I am always tired...I'm probably not anemic, I'm just spiteful and angry.

I watch all of these dads go shopping with their daughters and I become to envious of it. I never had that. My dad was/is a slave to his job. I used to get so pissed when my friends would talk so much crap about their dads because they grounded her or punished her. I never got any of that. I was 20 when I got punished by my dad for the first time...I was disowned. Disowned for finally sticking up for myself, my sister, and my brother. For finally telling the truth about how I felt. I just wanted a dad who cared to know me. But instead I got the total opposite. I got the hand.

I am working on transforming my anger into something else. Something more useful and probably involves less energy usage daily. I don't like being spiteful. Trust me...it's not a good feeling. I don't want to jealous of girls half my age either. I want to be happy for them. In order for me to be able to do that though...I have to network all that anger differently. Maybe I'll start mentoring. I have Nichole. I can start with her and continue with some other girls as well. They need to know they are loved by their Heavenly Father as well.

No earthly man, husband or father, should ever take God's place in your heart.

My dad did, but I'm working on that...
God Bless :)