I hope he reads this blog one day only to find out the kind of self-destructive path he has helped me create, and left me mend by myself. I'm not even sure how I can still refer to him as a dad or why, for that matter. Sitting here now with great anxiety building inside me as RE's graduation quickly approaches, and realizing the major possibility that my dad will be there. For the duration of this post, and probably blog, I am going to refer to him as Douglas (his middle name). He and my sister have the same first name so it would get too confusing.
My parents divorced when I was 8. I knew it was coming. When your parents separate twice in one summer, you know it's coming. Naturally, with this being Texas, Mom got custody. Thank God! I'd probably would be some hellion child if it wasn't for that woman. When I was 12, Douglas left to go work overseas as a contractor for a private company just a few months before my 13th birthday. In the mean time, he was working on his second marriage since my mom left. (long story, I won't get into) Needless to say, he missed my 13th birthday. Mom rented a hotel room for my friends and I, and I think she did it to keep me happy because she knew it was going to be a hard birthday. For the next 5 years, Douglas missed every birthday. He wasn't home to celebrate a birthday with me again til I was 19. We shared my 19th & 20th together. And he missed my 21st. He not only missed it...he ignored it. No email, text, letter, or phone call. No attempt to wish me a happy birthday. For a girl, 13th and 16th birthdays are a big deal, but for a woman...21st is a huge deal. I spent the evening of my 21st birthday walking Baylor's campus crying with Taylor. COOL!
He missed 2 boyfriends. He finally met Tyler on my 19th birthday. Douglas has missed the last 8 Valentine's Days, 7 Father's Days, 6 of the last 7 Christmases & Thanksgivings, 2 proms, 3 first kisses, my first date, the purchase of my first car, moving into my own place, and so much more.
The one thing he missed that hurts more than any of those other things...he missed my high school graduation. That's something that I can't do again. That was a huge point in my life, and he missed it. He wonders why I have so much discontent towards him, and why I can't look him in the face, I've blocked him from Facebook, he doesn't know where I live, have my cell phone number, or I haven't tried to apologize...it's because of all of this. I never did anything to hurt him. I'm not in the wrong. I am right. I have every right to be mad and hurt. All of this is why I have had nothing to do with him for a year. I hope he's happy where ever in the world he is. But I guarantee he's not. He's a sad old man who wants to be a child again and uses money to get his way when he no longer knows what to do.
All I have to say is...SUCKS TO SUCK!
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