I am going on week number 3 of not seeing Tyler! And let me be the first to tell you....THIS SUCKS!!! Then I will allow the people who have to deal with me on a daily basis tell you...THIS SUCKSSS!! I have let this whole thing get out of control, and I'm taking charge again. Normally I am happy, bubbly person who loves people, but lately sitting in my room alone and crying is who I have become.
I hate who I have become. I am depressing. Who wants to be friends with a depressing person? I miss Tyler. I get that. THE WORLD gets that. But instead of telling every person I come into contact with, "I miss my boyfriend!" I have got to start being the chipper person I once was. I have also become horrible to Tyler. I blow up his phone, I get mad over the silliest of things, and I question everything he says and does.
News Flash: I'm not his mother! I have to get a grip on myself before I lose this boy.
Last night I talked to Tyler's oldest sister's boyfriend for an hour about relationship stuff. Tyler and I aren't the only ones in a long distance relationship, and I have to remember that. Seth is living in Abilene while Lauren is in Dallas. Caleb is in North Carolina at seminary while Courtney is working for her dad in Irving. When I was talking to Seth last night, I realized some of the things Tyler and I are struggling with, Seth and Lauren have struggled with too.
A lot of my added stress has come from Tyler getting in some trouble and not being able to come see me, and I don't have a car that is reliable enough to get me from Waco to Dallas and back. Honestly, it could probably make it, but I don't want to chance it. I have also been struggling with the fact that to me, Tyler shows no remorse for his actions, but Seth reassured me that Tyler has expressed to him how stupid and guilty he feels about it all.
I have also asked Tyler to stand up and be the spiritual leader in our relationship since that's what God calls him to do as the man. As I told Seth this, he let me know that he had struggles with Lauren and her walk with God. He said he thinks it's a "Vick thing." (That term, by the way, is a joke between Seth, Caleb, and I when we realize that all 3 of us have the same problem with our significant other.) Seth explained to me that his and Lauren's relationship hasn't been all sweet and rosy like I had thought. There had been thorns too.
Seth explained to me that the way he is approaching their long distance relationship is that he and Lauren are getting grow personally in their relationship with God and that they are able to serve each other through prayer. DING! DING! DING! HELLOOOOOOO!?! WHY HADN'T I LOOKED AT IT LIKE THAT BEFORE?!?!?! Oh right because I was caught up in feeling sorry for myself and making sure everyone around me either feels sorry for me too or suffers with me.
I can serve Tyler through prayer!! Seth encouraged me to have patience with Tyler as he begins to grow in Christ personally. I may have to be the spiritual leader in the relationship for a little while, but with prayer, patience, and me telling Tyler what God is doing in my life, he will get there. I have to encourage Tyler's walk. In order to do that, I have to stop playing the poor-pitiful-me game. Tyler won't be encouraged to continue his walk with God if every time he talks to me I'm whining and crying because he will look at me and think, "If God is working in her life, and she is still acting like this than I am better off doing me."
When I close this blog I will be saying a very long, heartfelt prayer to God. Asking for forgiveness and patience. Thanking Him for my life, for Tyler, my friends, my family, and the beauty of the world. Then I will become the spiritual leader in my relationship until Tyler can get it right. I am starting off with sending him the book Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships. I am going through the book right now, and I feel like it will really benefit our relationship. Then I am going to find a Bible study that Tyler and I can do together. All I ask is that you be in prayer for us while we make this ever difficult transition.
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