When One Door Closes Another Always Opens

I have come to realize over the last month or two...I actually have no idea who I am. I tried to define myself and realized I can't even do that. And I will tell you why...


For the last, roughly, 12 years I have helped my mom raise my younger sister and brother. Although we are all only a year apart, I took on the role as a young child of playing "mommy." I am now realizing since my sister and brother are now 18 and 19, big sister isn't needed so much. Mind you, my mom has already come to the realization of this and accepted it...I just can't quite grasp the idea. My ADORABLE brother will be a senior in the fall, and my sister will be a college sophomore. Needless to say, they are raised. And my constant running over to pick them up, dust them off, dry their tears, and hold their hands is not wanted, appreciated, or needed anymore. Yeah, that's a hard one to down...for me at least.


I am also struggling with my next big step. As a student at a junior college entering my third year, this would be my major, what school I will be going to, where I will live, if I will have roommates, and how I will afford it all. My delimna is...I don't know what I want to major in anymore therefore I don't no where I will be transfering to. For someone who plans everything, this does not sit easy with me. I've always known what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go. For the first time in my life, I'm lost and don't know where to turn.


I recently visited my great-aunt in Austin. She gave me a book to read called, Strength Finder 2.0. As humans, most of the time, we are so focused on our weaknesses and we can improve them that we lose sight on what our actual strengths are. This book, with the help of an online quiz, helps you pick out your 5 strengths, defines those strengths, and gives you ways to help capitalize on those strengths. I am loving every minute of this book actually. My 5 strengths are communication, input, restorative, strategic, and woo. This book is helping raise my confidence and learn things about myself. I am so encouraged to use it!


For the first time in 9 months, I find myself under my mom's roof again. I am trying to transition back into a mode where I have to check in, let her know where I will be, and if I will be home that night. I have decided to take the next semester or two off from school. This is potentially pushing my graduation date a year to 2 years back, but I am okay with this. I need some self discovery time. I honestly believe that success is not measured on the money you make, the cars you drive, or the house you live in, but whether you enjoy it and can wake up and face yourself the next day.


I plan on devoting a lot of time to God during this time of self discovery because a person cannot truly discover themselves if they don't know what they are looking for. I know as long as God is by my side, I will have focus and He will know my destination.


I am excited and nervous about it all, but I know the Lord would never lead me into a dark room blind and alone. I also have the best friends a girl could ask for and the love of an amazing man.


I leave you with this, my favorite verse...
Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you. - Psalm 37:5